did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
