I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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