I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
what day is it and did you see me today?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
