I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
