Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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