i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
