When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
