They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
