you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
