So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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