Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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