so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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