I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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