what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
