so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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