Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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