3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
