they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
