This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
