Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
