I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
