Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
