I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
