ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
