woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
