I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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