in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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