hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
