I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
