You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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