You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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