Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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