I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
