You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
