Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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