Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
