My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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