Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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