grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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