I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
