Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
