i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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