GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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