dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they need to just BURY HIM!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
