i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
