You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
