Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
