I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
