im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
