i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
