You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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