I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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